Give A Girl A Break
I have been a daughter and sister for 53 years, a wife for 25 years, and a mom to a daughter for 18 years. I’ve also been a pastor’s wife counseling women for 15 years and someone’s friend since first grade. So, I think I qualify for discussing this topic- women are hard on each other but give men, no matter how cruel and uncaring, a pass. Why?
Unfortunately, a lot of women are in pain. What I have found to be at the root of a lot of this pain is insecurity and jealousy. Two very vicious tricks of the devil to keep us torn apart and fighting. This ensures that we never unite to create a powerful force for him to contend within the Earth realm.
Women are usually strong in multiple areas because we were created to help someone build something amazing, something great. We are also capable of building our own great and amazing thing. We multi-task, doing more than one thing at a time within the same hour, usually better than men. We are so sharp with our words that we are capable of stringing together paragraphs that will outline a plan with the actions to bring it to pass within a few hours of hearing the problem. This is partially why I was so disappointed that Hillary Clinton didn’t win. With a woman in office, I was certain we’d see progress like we have never seen before. Women love finishing projects with measurable results and then sitting down to start another one. It’s in our DNA. We are the original Help-Mates.
The devil is keenly aware of this so he keeps us fighting with each other. He is very clever and he has done it in very subtle ways and we are no wiser after thousands of years of discourse. The first man to introduce two women into a household was Lamech, the son of Methushael, who was a murderer. A divider of life. This the lineage of Cain who was cursed by God for killing Abel. Genesis 4:19 -23 outlines this family’s dysfunction. Noah is in this bloodline but God calls him a “just man” and you will note that he only took one wife into the ark. He did not follow in his father’s pattern of two women.
Soon thereafter we read where Hagar and Sarah are fighting over the affection of Abraham. However, we also must note that God sends Hagar and her child away. Marriage is a covenant. And a God who honors covenant couldn’t allow discourse to reign.
This concept of multiple women under one roof is a distraction and a source of contention. The devil continues to use it even to this day to cause men and women to lose focus and perish. One of the more famous examples is Leah, Rachel and Jacob. This sordid triangle is still being discussed and dissected by church leadership to this day. Leah tricked Jacob into marrying her when she had prior knowledge that he had worked seven years for her sister Rachel and not her (Genesis 29). Why didn’t Leah raise her veil and tell him “I am not my sister.”? Women have been enticing men ever since even though they are married or interested in someone else. And men have been clueless to the trick even now.
My question to women everywhere is: Have you ever imagined the things we could accomplish if we would stop working against each other and work together? So how do we remove ourselves from the drama and self-imposed pressure that causes us to be mean and nasty to other women? Here are a few things to consider in improving our relationships with one another:
Respect marriage - Don’t flirt and bed obviously married men. Don’t ever forget that separated and or unhappily married men are still married men and off limits.
Respect each other’s personalities - I don’t have to like what you like or agree with you on everything in order for you to respect my opinions and perspectives.
Stop being so self-absorbed - I know everything about your daily routine and you know nothing about mine because you never ask. Or if you do ask, you don’t care enough to listen.
Remember that your children aren’t Adam and Eve - God made other people who can do great things, and no we aren’t jealous. Everyone is not jealous of you.
Your personality may not be appealing - It could be you. Just ask yourself first, is it me? If you really want to know the truth God will tell you unless you are so deep in denial you can’t hear Him anymore. Then you must look at your life patterns. Every life has a pattern. What has frequently occurred in your relationships? That’s your pattern and it’s who you are then and today. Don’t beat yourself up but change. Give yourself a break from all the drama.
Repent and turn towards God – Find your prayer closet and give God all your present and past hurts. He is so much more capable than you in handling them. This will help to clear your heart and mind to make room for empathy and acceptance towards yourself and other women who may be suffering from that same pain.
Consider counseling - Counseling is not taboo, nor is it a sign of spiritual weakness. It is a dialogue of truthfulness intended to heal, restore wholeness and to stop the process of transference or importing past experiences into present relationships.
Finally, get off your throne - Women and men have an infinite capacity for self-deception and self-absorption. That’s why people like Mother Theresa of the Catholic church intrigue us. If we are honest with ourselves we want to know how could you go through life with no make-up, no great sense of style and a rag tied around your head and be content? The fact is that she was able to remove her own sense of ego and self-absorption. It was never about her, but about serving God. So, we are still talking about her and will be until Jesus returns.
With all that we encounter and create, women need to give themselves a break by breaking free from the self-imposed drama. Our long history of damaging behaviors has caused us to not only criticize other women mercilessly but it also caused us to put an enormous amount of pressure on ourselves and our families. Ask yourself, who are you trying to be perfect for and why?
With Prayers & Love
First Lady Lynda